my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
