Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
