I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
