Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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