i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Panties = found
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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