I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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