if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
