OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
