You can't motorboat a personality
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
fuck your aforementioned shoe
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
