Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
