If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
