Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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