Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
