I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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