found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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