no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
