I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
