her vagine was all disorganized.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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