Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
