Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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