that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize