I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
