i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
