So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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