That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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