It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
