Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
