just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
