Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
