He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
