in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
