Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
