Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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