I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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