Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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