walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
