I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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