i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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