i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
