So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
