Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
