In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
