remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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