ugly people sure do ruin things
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize