I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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