Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
