I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
