I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
