Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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