morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
