Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
