I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
