Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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