a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
