He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
