By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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