I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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