It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
