I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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