There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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