Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
