A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize