They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
