if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
