It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
