I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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