Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
