Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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