My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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