I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
