Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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