and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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