She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
