Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize