ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I did not marry a roomba.
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