You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
