I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
