i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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