hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize