What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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