I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have fence marks all over my body
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
