dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
