I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize