There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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