I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
