hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
