he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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