weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
