my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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