thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
