ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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