At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
