College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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