But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
