brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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