the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
