I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
