The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
