Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
