so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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