I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
