i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
