I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
