what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize