she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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