where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
